Chana Liora Rosenfield

A boy goes with his parents on a trip to a neighborhood that he has never visited before. When he gets there he sees Chasidic Jewish men, women and children who are wearing long black coats, long-sleeved dresses, and large hats. The children speak a mixture of Yiddish and accented English. He asks one of the kids his age for directions, and then gets into a conversation with him. The boy tells him that he is the first non-Chasidic Jew with whom he has ever had a real conversation. Then, to the visiting boy's surprise, the Chasidic kid says "we look very different from each other, and probably couldn't eat in each other's home because of our family differences, but I'd like us to stay in touch and become friends."

1. Do you think this is a story which is likely to occur? Why would a Chasidic youngster not have conversations with other Jews who are unlike himself?

2. If this story happened to you, would you feel that the Chasidic Jews in that neighborhood are more religious than you or your family are? Why would that young boy say that he could not eat in your home, or you eat in his home?

3. What kind of a friendship would you have with a Chasidic kid your age? What if that kid were not a Chasid but from a Sefardi Moroccan or Syrian Jewish family?

One Sunday afternoon the door bell rings, and it is a Jewish man collecting for a Yeshiva in Israel. He has a long beard, and wears an old black coat and hat. Your parents are out, and you ask if you can help him. He proceeds to tell you that there are many young married men who learn Torah all day in his Kollel, and their families need money to pay for rent, food, and clothing. You ask him why you should support such people, and he answers that they are your fellow Jews, whom you should love and support while they study Torah that strengthens the Jewish people, and therefore they benefit even you, as we Jews are "all different parts of one body."

1. Would you agree that a Jew who spends his life studying Torah all day in Bnei Brak, Israel brings a real benefit to the Jews who live in America, and therefore we should respect and support them?

2. Why should you give some of your hard-earned baby-sitting pocket money to someone who could make an independent living, but who has chosen to learn full-time, while his family depends on charity?

3. Do you accept the argument that such Jews who live in such intensively spiritual communities are important for Judaism and the Jewish people, as many of our teachers, rabbis, writers of sefarim that we might use, scribes, shochtim (animal slaughterers), etc. study or come from there?

A non-observant family that does not attend any synagogue, but is very Jewishly committed in other ways, moves into a house down the block from your home. They are really nice people who try very hard to be friendly. Their children happen to be excellent at a variety of sports activities, an activity which you yourself happen to love. After a few weeks one of the kids, after a strenuous game of basketball in the nearby park, asks you to come over to his home and watch a movie together. You accept the invitation, and really enjoy the afternoon. When you get home your parents raise a number of questions, and a serious family discussion ensues. That night you cannot sleep, for the following issues are on your mind:

1. Your parents feel that you should keep some kind of distance from your non-observant neighbor, as they are concerned that you might be influenced to become less observant. How important is it that we choose friendships based in part on a person's level of religious observance or synagogue affiliation?

2. Your parents, and your rabbi, tell you that the Torah Judaism has certain demands and expectations that do not allow for equal recognition of different religious denominations or "streams." This makes sense to you — but you also believe that it is important for all Jews to feel that they belong to one people who need and depend on each other. Is it possible to "not recognize" other so-called forms of Judaism, but at the same time to strengthen the ties that bind all Jews together as one people? How can we be sensitive to other Jews' religious sensitivities without compromising what we deeply believe to be the only true Judaism?

A group of young Jews are sitting around and talking one evening, when the subject of Jews and Jewish behavior comes up. One of those present says "Jews are too opinionated and argumentative, always disagreeing with and insulting each other." This statement upsets you, as you feel that it is a negative stereotype about Jews, even if it is a Jew who makes the statement. You say "that is an unfair generalization, and besides, even if were true, a Jew must practice love of one's fellow Jews and so should never portray other Jews in a negative light." A
heated argument ensues, in which one side accuses the other of being overly demanding about Jewish pride, while the other is accused of being self-hating Jews who don't stand up for other Jews.

1. If a non-Jew were to say such a thing about Jews, would you consider him an anti-semite? Is it possible to criticize your fellow Jews in a way that maintains your respect for them and theirs for you?

2. Do you think that Jews verbally attack each other more than other groups do, and if so, what might be some reasons? Are Jews inherently different from non-Jews, and if so, how should we relate to a sincere convert to Judaism? Are our differences from other nations or from each other merely acquired behavioral patterns, or are they the result of more fundamental contrasts and deviations?

You are eating dinner when the phone rings and the person on the other end asks for a pledge to the UJA. You are about to say no, for any number of reasons, when (in a thick accent) she says "please make a pledge because the Jews in my home town of Kiev desperately need the support of the American Jewish community in order to have any Jewish communal life at all."

1. Would it be morally right to answer "I only support those Jewish charities where I can designate where my money will be spent"? Should Orthodox Jews concentrate their giving on Orthodox causes? If so, what about Reform Jews who withhold money from Israel because they feel "left out" there?

2. Who's responsibility is it to maintain Jewish communities where Jews have chosen to remain behind, knowing that they will have to depend on international Jewish charities?

3. What should be the order of charitable priorities, if forced to choose between a local non-sectarian hospital or a religious Jewish orphanage in Ukraine?

Including the disabled is not just a social challenge.
It's a Jewish challenge.

Disabilities come in many forms, including physical, developmental and learning disorders. Children with developmental disabilities can exhibit a wide range of symptoms including speech and language delays, socialization difficulties, hyperactivity, and emotional outbursts. Some developmental disabilities are mental retardation, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, autism and Down's (as well as various other) Syndrome(s).

Children with learning disabilities can exhibit a wide range of symptoms including problems with reading, math, auditory/visual comprehension, writing, spoken language or reasoning abilities.

Hyperactivity, inattention and perceptual coordination may also be associated with learning disabilities. The primary characteristic of a learning disability is a significant difference between a child's achievement in some areas and his or her overall intelligence.

A new family has just moved in across the street. Their daughter, a 6th grader, has a physical disability. Your mother encourages you to go over and meet her, but you are uncomfortable and don't know what to say to her. That night your mother tells you that the neighbors have invited you and your sister to play the next day. Your sister really doesn't want to go because she doesn't know how to deal with your new neighbor. You have a number of questions, and decide to discuss them with your parents:

a. When you meet people with disabilities should you pretend not to notice that there is something different about them? Should you try to help them with things that are difficult for them to do? Should you wait for them to ask for help?

b. Should a kid who has a disability play, learn, and be friendly mainly with other kids with disabilities, or is it better for everyone if he or she participates in everything possible with non-disabled kids, to the best of their ability, even if it might slow things down?

While at shul, you often notice a boy your age who does not seem to have many friends. One of your classmates tells you that the boy goes to public school because he has learning disabilities. From the way the boy watches you and the other kids, you can tell that he would like to be included when all of the kids hang out together at the end of shul or at groups in the afternoon.

a. If you were the person with a disability, how would you feel if other kids never wanted to play or go places with you? Or if they treat you in a way that makes you feel that they think they're better than you?

b. How many different kinds of disabilities can you think of, and what kind of difficulties do they cause for the people who have them?

Your school has arranged a program for children with developmental disabilities to come for a day for special classes, so students will get to know each other and develop friendships. The principal asks you to talk to the other kids in your class about helping with the program, but when you do, some of your closest friends confide that they are scared and won't know what to say or how to act around such children, because (they tell you) those kids "are different from us."

a. What does the Torah mean when it says in Bereishit that Hashem made man "in Hashem's image" (be'tzelem Elokim?) If every human has a tzelem Elokim, does it mean that we're all equal? Does it mean we're all the same? If not, how are people with disabilities different in God's eyes?

b. Do you think that people with disabilities want others to feel sorry for them? Do they want to be treated differently from non-disabled people?

c. During a class discussion in the course of the day, one of the visiting girls says "I'd love to learn Torah like this every day, but I can't read or write fast enough to keep up with regular yeshiva studies, and I know some kids would make fun of me." How would you respond to her?

Your synagogue has a Shabbaton for teenagers with disabilities and your family hosts one of the visiting kids in your home for Shabbat. After the Friday night program, you find yourself with your guest at the kitchen table, and you get into a long conversation with him. He tells you (with great difficulty) how hard it is to make friends, how upset he is that he cannot attend a regular yeshiva, and instead has to attend a public school that has special resources for him. Faced with his problems, how would you respond to the following questions:

a. Given the fact that the Jewish community has limited financial resources, how much should be spent on special facilities and learning programs for the disabled?

b. Should rabbis and school leaders pay more attention to the needs of people with disabilities, even it means there will be fewer communal resources available for everyone else? Do you feel that there are not enough
disabled Jews to justify devoting more time, money, or attention to the problem? If there are not, what would justify it?

c. Has the Jewish community, or for that matter have synagogues, schools, and camps, been slow to make special arrangements for the disabled, or to sensitize their members to the special needs of such people, when society at large seems to have done so much in this area? If so, why? Is there room for a change in attitude or mentality?

d. What exactly should qualify as a disability? For instance, should the elderly, the chronically sick, or the emotionally impaired, qualify for special help? How about an alcoholic, a drug addict, the depressed, or someone with high anxiety? Where should the line be drawn?

Your son tells you that he and his girlfriend are seriously contemplating marriage. She comes to your home for dinner, and you find her to be a fine, bright and lovely young lady. You think that the two of them are a wonderful match, and are ready to give her "your blessing." At the end of the evening she tells you that she has a brother with a serious developmental disability. After the couple leaves the house, you raise the following questions with your spouse:

a. In choosing a marriage partner, how important should it be that a sibling of the prospective bride or groom has a hereditary disability? If it is not clear whether or not the disability is hereditary, would that be good reason to discourage the marriage?

b. If someone has a disabled person in their immediate family, at which point in the dating process would it be appropriate to share such information with a prospective marriage partner? Would it depend on the type of disability?

c. If you are called for a character reference by the parent of a young woman who is contemplating going out with a young man you know, should you tell that parent about the disabled sibling of the young person in question?

d. Assuming it is true that when it comes to marriage many Jews unfairly stigmatize the families of the disabled, what should the Jewish community do about it? What might we as individuals do about it?

Ramban, Devarim 6:18
Now this is a great principle, for it is impossible to mention in the Torah all aspects of man's conduct with his neighbors and friends, and all his various transactions, and the ordinances of all societies and countries. But since the Torah mentioned many of them... it reverted to state in a general way that in all matters one should do what is good and right, including even compromise and going beyond the requirements of the law...

Thus a person must seek to refine his behavior in every form of activity until he is worthy of being called "good and upright".

Vayikra 19:14
You shall not curse the deaf nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear the Lord your God.

R. Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin, Ha'amek
Davar,Vayikra 19:14
This [mitzvah not to curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind] is also part of the concept of maintaining harmony and the dignity of human beings one to another. For it is written in the beraita, " 'This is the book of the generations of mankind [Bereishit 5:1].' Ben Azai states: 'This a major principle of the Torah.' " Now the Ravad explains that he is referring to the end of the verse " who was made in the image of God."

It is the image of the Holy One Blessed be He. And a person who does not think this way is considered as if the divine image is not resting upon him!

Mishlei 22:6
Teach the young in accordance with their ways, so that when they grow older they will not depart from them.

R. Samson Raphael Hirsch to Mishlei 22:6
Guide, train, dedicate whatever will benefit him in the way of talents and capabilities for the life which lies before him.

Eruvin 54b
R. Preida had a student to whom he had to repeat each lesson four hundred times before he understood it. One day R. Preida was required to leave and attend to a certain matter involving a mitzvah. Before leaving, he taught the student as usual four hundred times but he still did not grasp the concept. R. Preida asked him "why is today different?" He answered him "From the very moment that they told my master that there is a mitzvah matter that he must attend to, my attention was diverted, because every moment I thought that now the master will get up and leave, now the master will get up and leave." R. Preida said to him "Pay attention, and I will teach you." He taught him another four hundred times. A heavenly voice emanated and asked R. Preida "Do you prefer that four hundred years be added to your life or that you and your generation merit life in the world to come?" R. Preida replied "That I and my generation merit life in the world to come." The Holy One Blessed be He said declared "Give him both this and that."

R. Eliezer Waldenberg, Tzitz Eliezer 14:69
It is clear that even those who are most mentally disabled, whose intellect is underdeveloped, and do not comprehend things as other people do, do not fall under the category of a shoteh (imbecile); they are only disqualified from being witnesses in a court of law, as they sometimes cannot recognize contradictory statements... but they are certainly subject to the mitzvot, even capable of Gittin and Kiddushin (marriage and divorce) if they can understand these things when they are properly explained to them...

Therefore an adult with the IQ of a 7-10 year old should be taken out of a non-kosher institution, and placed where she will not be exposed to forbidden things, and this is the responsibility of the community and its leadership, that is, the Kehillah (the organized Jewish community) of the city.

R. Moshe Feinstein, Am ha-Torah, Vol 2:2
It is clear that there is a distinction between the [category of] shoteh and that of the extremely mentally disabled. For the definition of the shoteh does not depend on the ability to understand ideas and concepts, for even people with great abilities to understand, may be mentally unstable and confused and have delusions. However the developmentally disabled is someone who has weak intelligence, and does not understand things as they are, or know how to distinguish between the things that he sees. Some, even as adults, have the mind of a six year old, or younger. Their minds, however, function according to the level of their development and understanding. Now it is quite possible that through education and study their intellectual faculties will develop somewhat, thus some will want to know if there exists an obligation to educate them to the level of what they are capable of knowing and understanding.

(My opinion is that) they are certainly obligated in mitzvot when they reach the age of maturity, which is thirteen for boys and twelve for girls. There is an obligation on their fathers to educate them to the extent of their ability during their early youth at the time when it is possible for them to understand according to their abilities, and not at age six which is the age that one is obligated to begin with standard youngsters... At that point one should teach him the Shema and then the letters of the alphabet and teach him that there is a Creator Who created all the things that he eats and drinks and the like, and that there are foods that are forbidden to be eaten, and that on Shabbat it is prohibited for his mother to cook, and that he must hear Kiddush and the like. Of course, this cannot be taught all in one day but rather a small amount at a time.

When he is able to read, even with difficulty, the Shema and the Shemoneh Esrei, from the Siddur he should begin to teach him Chumash. Since it is impossible that the father himself who is burdened with his livelihood and his own learning can fulfill this mandate, he is obligated together with other parents to hire a teacher for this purpose. It is, of course, clear, that it is impossible for the teacher to teach such children alongside the other standard pupils. Thus they will have to hire a [special] teacher even for a small number of children, [a prospect which has financial burdens] that not every person is able to do if the [members] of the communities at large will not help in this endeavor.

It appears logical that there is an obligation to give from charity monies for each and every expenditure that is necessary [for such an institution] after we have seen that there is an obligation to use funds from charity monies for the study of Torah. There is an obligation on the fathers to teach them according to their ability and to hire a teacher who can educate them, and to establish an educational institution if there are many such children. It is also incumbent on other people to help them, using charity funds, as I wrote.

Regarding when [developmentally disabled] people come to the synagogue, the congregation certainly should welcome them warmly, even those who have no mental capacity to study with them. The community should see to it that they answer Amen and Kedushah, even saying it along with them. [And this is worthwhile] so that they can fulfill as much as they can. The very attendence at the synagogue is a mitzvah, giving them the [opportunity] to kiss the Sefer Torah.

R. Aharon Soloveichik, Jewish Education: The Fire of Sinai
The She'eino yodei'a lishol (the child whom the Haggadah calls the one unable to ask a question) refers to, the retarded child who cannot be neglected. Even though this child appears unable to talk and is apparently without intelligence, we are not to assume that the so-called retarded child has no potential. With proper patience, love and perseverance, one is apt to open the mouth of the she'eino yodei'a lishol...

Every child has to be approached individually. To the extent that the child is limited, the child's maximum potential is to be reinforced and galvanized.

This, of course, will require consuming, persevering, dedication and labor, but those who devote themselves to this endeavor will certainly reap results and will succeed in becoming partners with God by infusing life and joy into the stagnant existence of retarded children. There is no nobler cause than dedication to the ushering of joy and meaning into the lives of retarded children, as the Rambam says at the end of Hilchot Megillah (2:17): "For one who gladdens the heart of the unfortunate is similar to the Shechinah, as it says 'To revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.' [Yeshaia 57:15]."

Whenever the class goes out to the playground and the children pick teams to play ball, Binyamin is not chosen for a team, because he is not a very good player. He is very upset, and stays off to one side watching the other kids play. Yosef, one of the team captains, sees this, and so the next day, he makes sure to pick Binyamin for his team. But Binyamin drops the ball a few times, and his side loses. After the game, Yosef’s teammates tell him that he really should not pick Binyamin in the future, for if he does, they will not win any games.

3. If someone can’t compete fairly with other kids, should we give him or her special treatment, even if the team is weakened?

On your school bus, several teenagers have a habit of keeping the bus waiting in the morning outside their homes, while they get ready. One day the driver makes an announcement that he will no longer wait for any student more than 15 seconds, because, as he puts it, "he is sick and tired of waiting for lazy and inconsiderate kids." One of the late students calls out "you are only a driver, if you ever leave without me, my father, who is on the school board, will have you fired." While everyone laughs, the driver turns pale, and becomes very angry, muttering about disrespectful children.

1. Would you tell that student right then and there to apologize? Would you speak to the student privately and tell him he was wrong?

2. If adults acts in a way which is clearly wrong or inappropriate, should a youth feel free to correct them in public?

A classmate tells you excitedly that she has just bought a terrific outfit that she says is "perfect" for an upcoming dinner party. She invites you over to see it, but when you see her model it, you know right away that the whole thing is inappropriate, and just does not go together. She, however, is really happy with it. She asks you "isn’t it beautiful?"

1. What’s more important: being honest or being sensitive to someone else’s feelings?

2. If it’s not just a matter of personal taste, but of something definitely wrong (e.g., it is immodest), how would you say something without hurting her feelings?

3. You saw another outfit in a different store that would be just right for her, but you know it is way too expensive. Would it be wrong to take her there to try it out, just so she can learn from the sales staff how to put outfits together? Does it matter that a salesperson will for sure be disappointed?

A new family has moved in next door. They are proud Jews, but not Orthodox. They have given you "signals" that they would like to strike up a close relationship with your family. Since kevod ha-beriyot is owed to all people—religious Jews, non-religious Jews, and Gentiles—how should you best show them respect, and still maintain your strong Orthodox standards and convictions?

1. Would you avoid personal contact with the adults, and discourage your children from playing with their children?

2. Would you pursue respectful warm relations with them, being careful to distinguish between them as individuals and their beliefs?

3. Would you determine what values, beliefs, and practices you have in common with them, and share with them in promoting such values?

A man refuses to give his wife a religious divorce (a get,) for motives that are not clear to you. The rabbi of your synagogue, after consulting a lawyer and the Synagogue Board, decides to publicly embarrass the man by announcing from the pulpit that until the man gives the get, he will not receive synagogue honors. The rabbi urges the synagogue members not to do business, nor associate with him. The husband is so humiliated, that, under public pressure, he gives the get, but leaves the community.

1. Is it right to publicly embarrass a person under certain circumstances? If so, when?

2. If that man was a friend of yours, would you agree to stop socializing with him? If so, how would you explain your new behavior pattern to him?

3. Does the Jewish community or synagogue have an obligation, or even a right, to interfere in this domestic dispute?

Parshat Behar, Vayikra 25:17
You shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God, for I am the Lord your God.

Rashi to Vayikra 25:17
This verse prohibits committing a verbal wrong, that one should not needlessly hurt his fellow, nor give him inappropriate advice that is self-serving to the advisor.

Bava Metzia 58b
Said R. Yochanan in the name of R. Shimon bar Yochai: Verbal exploitation (ona’at devarim) is worse than financial exploitation. For regarding verbal exploitation this verse says "you shall fear your God," but that is not said by financial exploitation. R. Eliezer said: This is true, because it exploits his person rather than his possessions. R. Shmuel bar Nachmani said: This is true because financial exploitation can be returned or repaid, but not verbal exploitation.

Bava Metzia 58b
What is the verbal exploitation in this verse? If someone is a baal teshuvah (a penitent), one should not remind him of his earlier deeds. If he was the son of converts, one should not remind him of the deeds of his ancestors. If he is a convert who now wishes to study Torah, one should not say to him "how can your mouth which once ate non-kosher meat, as well as vermin and vile things, now talk Torah which comes from the mouth of God?" If a person experiences great pain and suffering, or is afflicted with disease, or has children who die, one should not say as Job’s friends said to him (Job 4:6-7) that he deserves his fate... Embarrassing one’s neighbor is similar to killing him (shefihut damim.)

Yevamot 62b
Rabbi Akiva had 12,000 pairs of students. All of them died in one short period between Passover and Shavuot, because they did not respectfully toward each other (lo nahagu kavod ze la-zeh.)

Berakhot 17a
Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai was alway scareful to greet first anyone whom he met, even a Gentile in the marketplace.

Shabbat 30b
A person should always be patient with others, as was Hillel, and not intolerant, as was Shammai.

Ha-Takkanot be’Yisrael, vol. 2, pp. 315ff, by Rabbi Yisrael Shepansky
"...The power and preference given to considerations ofkevod ha-beriyot, would appear to be a decree of the Sages (takkanat hakhamim.) This is clear from early medieval halakhists. The Ran explains that the reason we defer rabbinic prohibitions to preserve kevod ha-beriyot is because the Sages never intended their decrees to infringe on kevod ha-beriyot. And according to Rashbatz, the Sages made all of their decrees conditional upon their not applying when kevod ha-beriyot is at stake... Thus, they said that the second day of Yomtov in the diaspora (which is a rabbinic decree) is like a weekday when it comes to burying the dead, because, as the Rokeach explains, the reason for making a timely burial is in consideration of kevod ha-beriyot...

"From this it appears that the Baal Haredim is correct to say that kevod ha-beriyot is a rabbinic mitzvah. The Pri Megadim, on the other hand, goes so far as to say that it is a Torah obligation, i.e., that it has its source in the Torah.

"The actual Torah source is explained by Rabbeinu Hananel (to Eruvin 41b) and the Meiri (to Berakhot 19b). In their view it is the fact that the Torah allows for the deferment of one of its own commandments, so as to safeguard kevod ha-beriyot, that is the source of this law. This occurs in the law of returning a lost object. For the verse says (Devarim 22:3) "you shall not turn away," but it also says there "you shall turn away." This teaches that there are indeed times when a Jew turns away from a lost object. For example, if an old man finds a lost object which it is beneath his dignity to carry, he is exempted from doing so. The Meiri explains that from this the Sages learnt to avoid shaming or embarrassing anyone, be he a scholar or a simple person. Hence the Sages here learnt to wave their own honor and allow their decrees to be set aside, for the sake of kevod ha-beriyot.

"The Hazon Ish writes initially (Yoreh Deiah 210:16) that kevod ha-beriyot is not a Torah obligation, but simply permitted. Nonetheless he concludes that it is obligatory, insofar as God’s will is to maintain the dignity of his creatures. The foundation of this would appear to lie in the fact that man was created in the image of God. To which the Midrash(Tanchuma Mishpatim 19) says "When the king’s icon is carried forth, what do people say? They say ‘give honor to the king’s icon.’" Thus, by respecting the honor of people, we safeguard the honor of the King of the Universe...

"AndRambam wrote (Hil. Sanhedrin 24:10), that even though a judge may impose discipline and lashes, penalize and fine, at his discretion in accordance with societal need, he should not treat kevod ha-beriyot lightly. For it defers rabbinic prohibitions, ‘and all the more so is this the case with the kavod of the descendants of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who uphold the true faith.’ This formulation proves that kevod ha-beriyot is not limited to Jews, for if the entire statement applies only to Jews, why add "all the more so..."? And this is consistent with the interpretations of Tosfot Yomtov and Tiferet Yisrael, to the Mishnah, "beloved is man who is created in God’s image (Avot 3:14,) which they prove includes non-Jews."

You are on a school trip into the City, to visit a Museum, and you and your classmates are given a few minutes free time before boarding the bus to go home. Three of the kids, really tired after walking around for two hours, see an empty bench and sit down before anyone else can take those places. As they are sitting there, a woman carrying a baby asks them to make room for her, but they pretend not to hear, and keep on chatting. A passerby sees this and says "Don’t yeshiva students have manners – what good is their religion to them?" You see the whole incident, and feel that you should do something about this situation.

1. Is it a Chillul Hashem if a Jew does something which is not assur, but which many think is wrong?

2. Does it make it less or more of a Chillul Hashem if the passerby is not Jewish? Do we care what non-Jews, or non-religious Jews think? Why?

3. What would you say to the 3 kids? Would you report the incident to your teacher? How?

There is a group of kids who live on your block, and some are assimilated Jews, while others are non-Jews. One Sunday they invite you to join them on a trip for a day at the mall. With your parents’ permission you go with them. At one point they decide to eat in a McDonalds outlet, and in spite of your misgivings, you go in with the group, and order a soda. As you’re sitting there, to your horror, your Yeshiva principal happens to walk by, and sees you sitting there surrounded by your friends and the non-kosher food. You know he’s going to call you to his office on Monday morning.

1. Is there anything wrong with going into such a place and ordering a drink with your friends? Would that qualify as a Chillul Hashem? What if, instead of being in a McDonalds, you were underage and in a bar drinking beer?

2. If your friends consider a certain behavior "cool," but deep down inside you know it is not approved by your parents or teachers, should you allow yourself to be in a situation where you might be tempted to "go along" with your friends, and cause a Chillul Hashem?

3. Should observant Jews, of any age, develop friendships or socialize with non-observant Jews, or with non-Jews? From a Torah perspective, what is to be gained and what is to be lost by such friendships?

A young man wearing a kippah is at the checkout counter at the local supermarket, watching the clerk process his food items. Behind him is a long line of impatient customers. He sees, as do as the people right behind him, that the clerk mistakenly fails to register a $6 item. At first he is happy not to have to pay for it, but then he remembers his rabbi once telling him that not to tell the clerk of her error is a form of stealing. He is about to correct her, but then thinks "most people wouldn’t correct her; she’ll have to call over the supervisor, correct the bill, and hold up the whole line, all because of me." So he remains silent, keeps the $6, and walks off with his filled grocery bags, as the man behind him says "so much for religion and honesty!"

1. Assuming that the rabbi is right, and the Torah requires us to correct this clerk’s error, is the aveirah made any worse because of what people might think? Should a Jew worry about what non-Jews think of us?

2. Assuming hypothetically that the clerk’s error is not the customer’s responsibility, and stealing is not an issue, should a Jew, or an observant Jew, feel a special responsibility to be unusually selfless and sensitive in a public place? At what cost to himself?

3. If the people behind him in line were assimilated Jews, would there be a Chillul Hashem if they were to think his behavior wrong or immoral? If they were Torah-observant Jews, would it also be a Chillul Hashem?

You have a friend of many years, who is highly successful and well-respected as a synagogue and yeshiva leader in the community. One day his business partner tells you that the two of them have been engaged in a fraudulent scheme, but they now have an opportunity to "come clean" before the ploy is uncovered by the IRS. He asks you to speak to your friend who has refused to stop the conspiracy. When you raise the subject with your friend, he tells you to mind your own business. Given his position in the community and your synagogue, you know that his behavior will likely cause a major Chillul Hashem.

1. Should you feel responsible for another Jew’s immoral or illegal behavior? Is what he does in his business, or his life, any of your business?

2. Assuming that the partner is telling the truth, and that a Chillul Hashem is likely to occur, does it become a greater halakhic obligation to exert other pressures on him to stop the improper activities that will harm the Jewish community?

3. Does the Jewish or Torah community have a responsibility to make it a communal priority to prevent or to stop such behavior, on whichever level it occurs? If found guilty, how should the synagogue or community treat such people?

Discussion, Scenarios & Sources on Topics:

Ahavat Yisrael, Disabilities & Kavod Habriyot

-please scroll down

(developed by the Orthodox Caucus)

Ahavat Yisrael Scenarios

1 (Pre-School, Elementary School)

1. Do you think this is a story which is likely to occur? Why would a Chasidic youngster not have conversations with other Jews who are unlike himself?

3. What kind of a friendship would you have with a Chasidic kid your age? What if that kid were not a Chasid but from a Sefardi Moroccan or Syrian Jewish family?

2 (Elementary, High School, College)

1. Would you agree that a Jew who spends his life studying Torah all day in Bnei Brak, Israel brings a real benefit to the Jews who live in America, and therefore we should respect and support them?

2. Why should you give some of your hard-earned baby-sitting pocket money to someone who could make an independent living, but who has chosen to learn full-time, while his family depends on charity?

3 (Junior High, High School, College)

4 (College, Adults)

5 (College, Adults)

2. Who's responsibility is it to maintain Jewish communities where Jews have chosen to remain behind, knowing that they will have to depend on international Jewish charities?

3. What should be the order of charitable priorities, if forced to choose between a local non-sectarian hospital or a religious Jewish orphanage in Ukraine?

Including the disabled is not just a social challenge.
It's a Jewish challenge.

DISABILITIES:
Ve'asita Ha -yashar Ve'Ha-Tov
Discussion Guide

A Word of Introduction

Children with learning disabilities can exhibit a wide range of symptoms including problems with reading, math, auditory/visual comprehension, writing, spoken language or reasoning abilities.

Discussion Scenarios

For Elementary School Students

b. How many different kinds of disabilities can you think of, and what kind of difficulties do they cause for the people who have them?

For Elementary and High School Students

b. Do you think that people with disabilities want others to feel sorry for them? Do they want to be treated differently from non-disabled people?

For High School and College Students

a. Given the fact that the Jewish community has limited financial resources, how much should be spent on special facilities and learning programs for the disabled?

For Adults

Sources for the Whole Family

Devarim 6:18
You shall do the right and the good in the sight of God.

Thus a person must seek to refine his behavior in every form of activity until he is worthy of being called "good and upright".

Vayikra 19:14
You shall not curse the deaf nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear the Lord your God.

This teaches that when you shame another human being, whom are you shaming?

Additional Sources for Older Children and Adults

Every child has to be approached individually. To the extent that the child is limited, the child's maximum potential is to be reinforced and galvanized.

Kavod HaBriyot Scenarios

1 (Pre-School, Elementary School)

1. Should Yosef listen to his friends, and not pick Binyamin again?

2. What else might he do so that Binyamin’s feelings are not hurt?

3. If someone can’t compete fairly with other kids, should we give him or her special treatment, even if the team is weakened?

2 (Elementary, Junior High, High School)

1. Would you tell that student right then and there to apologize? Would you speak to the student privately and tell him he was wrong?

2. If adults acts in a way which is clearly wrong or inappropriate, should a youth feel free to correct them in public?

3. What might have been a better response by the student to the driver?

3 (High School, College)

1. What’s more important: being honest or being sensitive to someone else’s feelings?

2. If it’s not just a matter of personal taste, but of something definitely wrong (e.g., it is immodest), how would you say something without hurting her feelings?

4 (College, Adults)

1. Would you avoid personal contact with the adults, and discourage your children from playing with their children?

2. Would you pursue respectful warm relations with them, being careful to distinguish between them as individuals and their beliefs?

3. Would you determine what values, beliefs, and practices you have in common with them, and share with them in promoting such values?

4. Should you openly and respectfully discuss your differences?

5 (College, Adults)

1. Is it right to publicly embarrass a person under certain circumstances? If so, when?

2. If that man was a friend of yours, would you agree to stop socializing with him? If so, how would you explain your new behavior pattern to him?

3. Does the Jewish community or synagogue have an obligation, or even a right, to interfere in this domestic dispute?

Kavod HaBriyot Sources & Questions for the Whole Family

Parshat Behar, Vayikra 25:17
You shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God, for I am the Lord your God.

Rashi to Vayikra 25:17
This verse prohibits committing a verbal wrong, that one should not needlessly hurt his fellow, nor give him inappropriate advice that is self-serving to the advisor.

Berakhot 17a
Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai was alway scareful to greet first anyone whom he met, even a Gentile in the marketplace.

Shabbat 30b
A person should always be patient with others, as was Hillel, and not intolerant, as was Shammai.

Additional Sources & Questions for Older Children & Adults

Kiddish & Chilul Hashem Scenarios

1 (Elementary School)

1. Is it a Chillul Hashem if a Jew does something which is not assur, but which many think is wrong?

2. Does it make it less or more of a Chillul Hashem if the passerby is not Jewish? Do we care what non-Jews, or non-religious Jews think? Why?

3. What would you say to the 3 kids? Would you report the incident to your teacher? How?

2 (Junior High, High School)

3 (High School, College, Adults)

4 (Adults)

1. Should you feel responsible for another Jew’s immoral or illegal behavior? Is what he does in his business, or his life, any of your business?

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